Private Bureaucracy

This is a sort of banal history. Last week I bought a computer mouse at Tekhno-Sila (trans. Techno-Strength, very comforting to the security minded indeed). Upon arriving home, I realized I had bought a mouse with the wrong connector. Now, the mouse cost 359 rubles, which is about $13 but I'm on vacation and the store is a ten minute walk, so I decided to exchange it:

Trip 1: Forgot the receipt

Trip 2: I make sure I have the receipt. Then I go to the information desk, where they tell me I need to go to the cash registers, on the other side of the building. At the cash registers, the lady shouts that I have to talk to Sergei, the kontrol'er, the ONLY person who can complete this transaction. Sergei, the kontrol'er is near the entrance, distinguished from his yellow-polo clad minions by his purple shirt. I explain that I need to exchange the mouse. He's willing to help, but he needs my passport (?) to document the transaction.

Trip 3. I make sure I have the receipt and my passport. I find Sergei and he remembers me. He reaches into a cabinet for a stack of forms. I give him my passport. Sergei meticulously fills out every form from my visa information and, dissatisfied with my middle name, officially renames me Seth Jamesich. The form needs my passport's issuer and date of issue. This has not been translated into Russian so I have to show Sergei where it is on my passport. I even translated the organization into Russian, but Sergei doesn't need my translation, as he is very carefully writing "New Orleans Passport Agency" in Latin script. Sergei can transliterate English, French or German. This is why they pay him the big bucks. This is why he gets the purple shirt. I get my passport back and go to get the replacement, while Sergei continues filling out the duplicate forms. When I get back, he has just finished the paperwork and has started putting it into the computer for electronic storage. Finally, he prints off the the last form and has me sign. He explains, "This form is to prove that you brought back the merchandise. This form is to prove that you received your new merchandise. This form is to show that you verify the information from your visa." Finally, we get to the cash register, where the final transaction must take place. Sergei looks at me with wet eyes: "Well, I'll leave you with her now." Me: "Thank you, Sergei. You're a gentleman and a scholar." Sergei: "Please...come again." So I am left with cashier Valeria, who reaches into her cabinet for a stack of papers....

Long story short, it took me about an hour to exchange the mouse without having to wait in any line at all. In other news:

-I spent a nice half week outside of Russia in Riga. Not that Riga is that great but my hotel had free cable internet and there were no stray dogs on the streets.
-Ryazan' Transit authority has outraged the population by raising public transportation prices from 5 to 6 rubles per bus ride (from 20 to 25 cents, approximately).
-My apartment building's lock broke (three months ago) and the homeless/drunk population continues to use my stairwell as a public bathroom/hotel.