To Kalmykia and Beyond...

As the school year winds down in Russia, the summer camp season is starting. Therefore, I'm heading to a camp in Elista, the capital of the Kalmyk Republic, an ethnic republic on the Caspian Sea. If that isn't interesting enough, the head of the republic is crazy. He believes that, based upon the prediction of Vanga, a blind Bulgarian fortuneteller, Kalmykia will strike oil in the Caspian Sea. In addition to his Kalmyk leading duties, he's the president of the FIDE, the international chess federation, and has made chess a mandatory subject in Kalmykia's schools. He also claims that he's been abducted by aliens. The best part is that I know I'll get to meet him. My drawing power may not be quite enough, but he's certainly going to want to meet Michelle Kwan, who is visiting the camp on the last day. The only question is, does Fulbright have interplanetary fellowships?

The Russian Pastime

One of the benefits of my parents' visit was that they brought baseball stuff. As a William J. Fulbright English Teaching Assistant, I am contracted to propagandize the American way of life in any way I can, and since repeated rants on the plagiarism have not accomplished this mission, I decided to offer the bat rather than the stick.

Inspired by the unorthodox teaching technique of Robin William's character Mr. Keating from The Dead Poets Society (which we had just finished watching) I decided that instead of movie class, we would have a hands-on language lesson in baseball. I ordered my students to grab notebooks and head to the park. Since the only boy in my class left for study abroad in the US, our team consisted of 10 girls and me. Immediately, a problem appeared: Russian girls tend to wear nicer clothes to school than their American counterparts, including high-heel shoes. Also, my students all "accidentally" left their notebooks at the university. I hadn't really expected to teach anything, but it's kind of impossible to explain baseball without some visual aids.

I ended up drawing the basic rules in the ground, showed them how to throw and gave a demonstration in hitting, which nearly resulted in a concussion. Eventually they decided that shoes off was the way to go and they all seemed to get the pitcher-batter-catcher relationship. I even taught them how to play pickle. Over their pleas to play lapta, the weird, not-fun, Russian version of baseball, I think they were enjoying it. At least we weren't sitting inside watching The Breakfast Club.

And as the cultural bonding started for my students, I got my own dose. An old lady started accosting my students. They pointed me out and she began accosting me.

Old Lady: I understand you are the teacher and you should know that this part of the park is the source of all of Ryazan's oxygen. Your horseplay will ruin it for everyone. You must stop playing now!
Me: All right, the period is almost over anyway. We're going.
OL: Wait, I'm going to report you. Give me your surname, name patronymic.
Me: Бернштейн, Сет Франклин
OL (Confused look): ...

Then she walked away, shocked that I would give such a blatant pseudonym instead of my real name.

Bad news for people who like bad news

This article is a little old but worth posting anyway. Journalists at a network of state owned radio stations in Russia must air 50% or more good news. On the plus side, weather can be considered good news and because Russians are fond of snow it seems like only the rainy days will be tough. In general, though, with salaries growing in all sectors and babies popping out at a rate sure to deal with the so-called demographic crisis, Russia's future is looking bright. I think that took care of my quotient for the day.

News and Reviews

My parents came a week ago Tuesday and will be leaving tomorrow morning from Petersburg. This was the first time my parents had been abroad and suffice it to say that Russia is not the best introduction to foreign travel. I feared the worst but it wasn't so bad. In Moscow we went places where they needed a translator on days I didn't have classes and other days they stuck to tourist stuff. Then they came to Ryazan where I showed them "real Russia," that is, Russia without any tourist attractions. We left on an overnight train for Petersburg the next day, where we were met by a snowstorm. I may have pictures later. Anyway, some highlights:

-Dad, after seeing two women walking arm and arm, leaned over and asked, "Gay?" The same question was later posed to two of my female co-workers in Ryazan over dinner.
-Mom, a 60 year-old software editor suffering from mild agoraphobia, took the metro during rush hour.
-On their first day alone, dad's Russian lessons on cassette paid off and he was able to order coffee. As he explained it, all he had to do was ask for someone who spoke English and then ask them for coffee.

I thought I would also review various Russia/foreign travel related products and services. I only got to the computer stuff but I'll try to do hotels later.

Computer Stuff:

SkyLink: A cell phone company that has lately been pushing internet service through its cell phone network. How I found this company is a pretty good Russia story. My apartment's previous inhabitant, and owner, died and her daughter inherited the place. The real estate was valuable enough that my landlady paid whatever "fees" had to be paid to get the paperwork pushed through and her name as an owner. All other services (water, gas, phone), though, also required a similar payment to change the name. Since they all worked, my landlady saw no point in paying $200 to change the name. However, when I tried to get DSL, neither I nor my landlady could penetrate the bureaucracy of TsentrTeleKom without reregistering the phone. So, I had been using internet cards and going through dial up until April. Recently SkyLink opened up a Ryazan office offering high speed wireless and I jumped at the chance to get rid of dial up. Basically the whole thing works like a cell phone except you buy a modem with a USB output instead of a phone. In short, it cost $250 to set up (mostly the cost of the modem) and the service costs $.04 per megabyte. Good if you just want casual but fast internet but very expensive if you are trying to download anything.

IrisPen: This is a text scanning pen which I thought would make my life in the archive easier. It hasn't. This scanner is only good for materials printed on white paper, in modern fonts and without errors. You also need a strong, steady hand and practice. It does work in Russian (along with other major languages) and has some use at Russian libraries, where checking out books is much more difficult and sometimes impossible. I find myself more and more using this for amusement. For the same price (about $100), I could have had more fun with a breathalyzer.