History

I'm applying to grad schools for history now and while looking for various information I found this document, the preface to my term paper for Junior Honors History. It's still as relevant as ever:


Forward:

When I started this paper yesterday, I had no idea anyone would read it. Yet, in spite of all the distractions, I believe I wrote the finest historiography of the Burr Conspiracy. Ever.
Although I conceived papers that struck home before, (Bernstein, “King Arthur vs. Rethro: Attack of the Barbophile,” Kenyon College, 2002. Bernstein, “Art History, Fart History,” Kenyon College, 2001.) my own writing, until yesterday, had never brought me to tears. In many ways, Burr’s life mirrors my own. We are both renowned ladies men. We both killed famous politicians. We were both possibly guilty of treason (Depending on whether your definition of US soil includes Jenna Bush).
Burr is my inspiration, regardless of speculative history that has tried to place his life into the neat framework of my own. However, this work would not be complete if I did not express my gratitude to friends and accessories. Foremost, I would like to thank the kid from Jerry Maguire without whose shining example, I may not be alive today. Secondly, I would like to thank Sam Bowie for his mediocre strength in the face of speculation (PS. Sam, we finally did it!). Last (but not least!) I would like to thank Delta Burke for guiding me into manhood.
On my final note, I would like to thank Gerald McRaney in advance for not taking me to the street and breaking me.